Funny Facebook Status Updates inspired by The Office
Dwight...
- likes to think one step ahead... Like a carpenter... Who builds stairs.
- thinks that the best kind of bear is a Black Bear... Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica!
- knows that the eyes are the groin of the head.
- Has flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car.
- needs to clarify something... Certain events have transpired and I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired and I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations with certain accountants.
- is not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women – often outdoors in the mud and the rain – and it’s possible that a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing.
- once kept a spud gun in my bag at work for almost an entire day. Can you imagine if I were deranged?
- is not superstitious, I'm only a little stitious.
- wonders if your parents are first cousins.... who are also bad at ping-pong?
- thinks that the end justifies the mean
- does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they're unfair!
- is wondering what is wrong with these people? They have no willpower! I once went twenty-eight years without having sex. And then again for seven years!
- thinks that nobody should have to go to work thinking, oh this is the place that I might die today. That's what a hospital is for. An office, is for not dying. An office is a place to... live life to the fullest. To the max. To... an office is a place where dreams come true.
- doesn't "need" to be liked. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
- thinks you have been cruisin' for a bruisin' for twelve years. And I am now your cruise director. And my name is Captain Bruisin!
Sometimes I sound like I’m arguing, when I’m actually not. I just have a way of putting my posts stronger than intended.It’s easier to keep out of the conversation and not take the chance of being misunderstood.
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